I was in London last week, reconnecting with some of my old colleagues and friends. This one conversation with a couple of friends inspired me to write this post.

It happened just around the time I was leaving London. We were in this group chat and talking about bad-mannered kids we encountered recently. One of my friends, let’s say her name was Rachel, talked about this story that happened around her neighborhood. She was going home one night around 11pm, and there’s this boy, alone, probably around 10 years old, came to her and asked her if she wanted some Skittles. She politely turned down and went on, but the boy chased her. She kept ignoring him and just went on her way. At one point, the boy probably got really angry. He ran towards her, took half of his pants off, put Skittles around his genital, and yelled the f word at her. She told us, “I wasn’t really scared because he was about 10, but I reckon he would rape me if he was 15 years old… I was like, where’s his mother?!”

It makes me sad and wonder, not only because I think it’s such a shame for a 10-year-old boy to do such disrespectful things to a stranger, but also because Rachel’s reaction of “where is his mother.” It is probably the first reaction for a woman in her situation to think that way, and I am not blaming her for that. But I can’t help but think if the father has to do anything with it; if we, as a society, are ignoring the importance of father’s participation in nurturing children, hence human development; and if society as a whole, until this day and age, still don’t understand the horrifying nature of making fun of human’s body parts, especially the ones that directed specifically to women.

I firmly believe that parents are the first teachers of their children, and whether one likes it or not, in general, women are still the ones that are mainly responsible of raising children in the families. In the case of a young boy in a family, once he reaches a certain age, he is aware of gender differences, and he probably does not want to be exactly like his mother because society tells us to be gender binary (the idea of women and men are opposites of each other, which is wrong in itself). If, for whatever reasons, his father is missing in his development, I can imagine, he probably wants to find masculine traits and learn to “be a man” from outside sources. In the era of Internet, when there are so much smoky information, he absorbs all sorts of stuff and lacks the ability to distinguish what is good or bad, right or wrong. In addition, because of the patriarchal society we live in, men are portrait as powerful, both mentally and biologically. Most times these images and messages can be exaggerated and even impossible to reach for average men, which is exactly why patriarchy hurts men as well. Hence, young boys and men may try to reach this ideal image of “man” in very extreme ways, not concerning of other people’s feelings, social norms, or even the law.

It is quite clear that, even in 2015, our society does not seem to understand how horrible and disrespectful sexual jokes and references are, and how the overwhelming majority of those jokes and references are directed towards women. In the rare case of the father involving in his young son’s development, if the father is not aware that making sexual references and jokes are very rude and disrespectful, and even better, if he thinks that his young son needs to learn “how to be a man” through such way, we really cannot expect the son turns out to be respectful of women, and that includes his mother. Most people, even some women, thinks that these jokes and references are supposed to be “funny,” and women are expected to laugh about it and shake it off. But no. I don’t see what’s so funny about making fun of a human’s body parts. It’s quite interesting and ironic to see how, at this point of human history, we are no longer ok with making fun of people’s skin colors, national and cultural identities, and even sexual orientations. In fact, we fight back and accuse people who do so. However, we live in a world where women’s bodies and biological natures are made fun of and objectified as a collective group on a daily, hourly, secondly basis. Just take a look around and pay attention. This phenomenon exists everywhere in our lives. It’s in our daily chit chats, music, advertisements, TV shows and movies, emails and office meetings, dinner-table conversations, everywhere. No one says a damn thing. No one even realizes how rude and offensive they are. Even more, if someone stands up and says, “Hey! That’s rude!” people look at this person as if she’s out of her mind. People ask why she doesn’t have a sense of humor and why she is angry. Well, is it funny to begin with?

I am not apologizing for writing a long essay about feminism in my music industry blog, since I think the music industry has a long way to go to be more respectful of women, both industry professionals and every woman out there. Because music is a powerful communication tool, it is possible to make progress through the art of music. All it takes is clear, critical minds, consciousness, and well-managed collective effort. I am happy to be part of this effort.